I'm not a girl. Although obviously I am in the traditional sense. What I mean is: I'm not the kind of girl who gets up half an hour earlier to straighten her hair, or the kind of girl who has one of those sticks for pushing her cuticles back. I don't even know what one of those looks like.
But - and this is my theory based on recent evidence - you don't have to be that sort of girl to attract the same amount of attention from the opposite sex...
A few days ago I began an experiment, unbeknownst to me, that proves this.
Feeling flush following an influx of birthday cheques, I had decided to invest in - big spender - some mascara. It was a silly thing to do, I thought, when I got home. Mascara has never agreed with me. It's normally around about the 12 minute mark after application that I start rubbing, and inevitably end up looking like a lemur - or the reverse of one, whichever.
Still, I persevered, combining with lashings of kohl and eye shadow. By the end of the first day, throughout which I managed to stave off itching, I had received at least a couple of compliments on my new eyes. Then came the extraordinary thing. Two separate instances of blatant male flirtery, both cashiers, on two consecutive days.
Now these incidents can only be accounted for by the new eyes. I am never chatted up in shops. Ever. And this is all the more pleasing because it only took me five minutes in the morning to achieve, even as a novice. Do other girls know this?
I propose to continue with this experiment - it seems of vital importance to the female population. Plus, if I can prove that eye make up application accounts for 50% of male interest in women, maybe Max Factor will give me a million.
Image: Trine de Florie